Coulda Should Woulda

The word should makes me laugh, what does it even mean?

 should  /SHo͝od/

Verb: Used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone's actions: "he should have been careful".

Indicating a desirable or expected state: "by now students should be able to read".

See? It means nothing particularly apart from to argue with reality, and what is ever the point of that unless you want to give yourself a headache or heart attack!

If we take the above dictionary example "he should have been more careful" we can assume that there are consequences for not taking enough care. Well okay, but let’s keep in present time (because that’s where our power exists) and deal with the consequences of not taking enough care instead of drowning in the story of "shoulds".

 He obviously didn't take enough care so that's it, that's the experience, there isn't any "should of" it simply doesn't exist. We can't change the experience we can only change the story we tell ourselves about it, so free yourself up by choosing to only deal with the reality. I was at a workshop with Byron Katie recently and she reminded everyone again that if you argue with reality you lose, but only 100% of the time!

Another exhausting example of "should” I hear over and over is "I should really be doing X Y or Z"

The reality is that you are not actually doing X Y or Z, so either give yourself a permission break and actually enjoy what you are doing/being in this present moment, or just get on with X Y Z, because if you're junking up your inner dialogue in the present with future got-to's, you're not fully present anyway, you're not experiencing a peaceful mind.

In my marriage education training, my teacher Tony Robbins pointed out over and over, that people say their partners "should" this and they "should" that, in fact they "should" all over themselves far too much! We need to stop "shoulding" all over ourselves and our relationships.

So of course I'm not saying you "should"  :-)   but I invite you to drop "should" from your vocabulary for a while and experience how freeing it feels for you and those around you.  Dawn 

I was just thinking...

Every movement, every emotion, how we experience, comes from thought.

We think ourselves how to be and how to do.

We can think consciously, with focus and awareness.

We can often run old thinking programs from our subconscious without realizing it.

Our stress is stressful because of the story we're thinking and running about it.

We don't have to believe everything we think.

Whatever you decide to think, your brain will find references to prove you right over and over. Your subconscious will be creating experiences to show you, whether it's feels pleasant or not.

Without believing stressful thought, we're more open; we hear and see with more clarity, we’re more understanding, less judgemental, more open and loving.

Freedom comes when we shift our thinking.

We can think a new think any time we like. 

EMOTIONAL EATING 101

Our emotions motivate us, if you are carrying too much weight then chances are you've got some emotional areas to explore. Be honest with yourself, are you most hungry in your head? your heart? or your stomach? 

Becoming aware of your thoughts and actions will be your first key to understanding the decisions that you've been making. Honest self awareness can allow you to raise your standard for yourself and create healthier choices.
Get a journal, a little portable diary that will not only help you to keep your eye on your goal but will also become your honesty blog. In your new health diary you are going to write everything that you consume to discover what is triggering you to make the choices you make.

In your journal you will write...

1, what you ate/drank
2, how were you feeling I.E. what happened just before you ate/drank
3, what you were doing when you ate/drank it.
4, where were you when you ate/drank it.
5, when did you eat/drink it
6, why you chose that food/ drink particularly
7, who were you with

Now that you have this valuable information you can further your insight by being honest with yourself and name your feelings... 
Next to the number 3's you can simply name and write the emotion or feelings you were experiencing. You could name them as worry, anger, hurt, frustration, anxiety or sadness. Writing this down will help you to recognise and be honest about your emotional triggers around food and drink.

In a short period of time your journal will highlight emotional eating patterns some examples can be...  eating for a reward, eating "on the go", drinking to wash away the day, stuffing down your anger, eating or drinking to shield you from anxiety,  patterns of lazy snacking or even to spite a parent. Who knows what other peoples triggers are? but once you are aware of your own eating habits patterns and triggers, a whole new world of possibilities opens up to you. 

If your diary simply shows you're consuming unhealthy snacks on the go - prepare ahead and pop some fruit or nuts in your bag for those moments. If it's because you need to feel in control of something then start creating more certainty in other areas of your life to gain that control. If it's relationship issues that are getting you into the habit of eating for connection and comfort - then seek advice from a coach on how to improve this area of your life. If you're eating or drinking to avoid falling into a big sad hole of past experiences then again get help with those emotions, I promise you food will never resolve these issues for you. What ever your emotional cause for eating, face it and get help to resolve it.

Your future and power is in your hands, when you have the above information written out in black and white in front of you, you have the power to ditch the old map, improve, create, step-up and transform.  Any "yeah buts"  or  "it's hard for me because" or "it's different for me"  stories you're telling yourself are just that, they're stories that will keep you stuck and keep you eating for unhealthy reasons. Create a new story with a compelling future, visualise yourself healthy and get a plan.

Once you've decided that you deserve to make better choices for yourself, take action (and a new decision is only real once you have taken action) Enlist someone who will hold you accountable. In fact research shows you are 3 times more likely to be successful when you share a new eating or exercise plan with someone you respect, so do involve those around you.

Good luck   Dawn ☀

Investigate your thinking

There is a Sufi saying that says...
Before you speak let your words pass through three gates

1st gate... "is it true"?
2nd gate... "is it necessary?"
3rd gate... "is it kind"?

Although I whole heartedly agree with this little nugget of Sufi wisdom, I feel it's even more important to filter our inner dialogue through the same process.

Self talk can often be untrue, unnecessary and unkind so the second nugget to ponder this week is...
 don't believe everything you think, do investigate the story you're telling yourself, make sure it's true for you before you believe that thought.

Is it true?  for you
Is it necessary?  for you
Is it kind?  for you.

DO WHAT MAKES YOUR HEART SMILE

Most of us will agree that a successful life is a life lived in accordance with our wishes, where we can be comfortable in saying that we're proud of our accomplishments and attainments.

If we take a giant step back from judgement for a minute and choose to not to give experiences a label of "good" or "bad" but view them simply as just "experience"  (after all that's what humans have come here for, to "Experience") we could say that we're all successful 100% of the time.

If we swapped the word successful for words like happy or peaceful we'd be more able to measure how we feel about our life experiences. By being on the lookout for how we feel, we can gage immediately whether we're acting in accordance with our values. Learn to become more emotionally intelligent, use your emotions as a guide. 

When living in-line with our values we tend to feel more comfortable, calm and more in control.

You'll know pretty instantly if what you are doing, thinking or feeling doesn't respect your values, it's usually where anxiety creeps in. To continue along a path that feels as though it goes against the grain of who you are, is not advisable if you fancy an outcome of joy, happiness or peace. Compromising your values creates a bumpy road ahead. When you know what your values are decision making becomes far easier.

So to measure personal success be sure to know your core values and your beliefs about them. Exploring this major part of what makes you tick can be the difference between making comfortable decisions that are aligned with who you are and allowing yourself to be swayed by someone else’s ideas.

 So in short...to create a successful life that feels happy, exciting and peaceful, spend some time working out what makes your heart smile, then consciously and mindfully, be and do whatever makes your heart smile ♥

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

Find your key emotion; this maybe all you need to know to find your short story ~ F.Scott Fitzgerald

"He had one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you may come across four or five times in life. It faced, or seemed to face, the whole external world for an instant and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. It understood you just as far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself" (from The Great Gatsby)

Following on with the Gatsby theme :-)  I was just reflecting on this (literally) and musing over how we see ourselves reflected back to us through others. We see what we want to see through our personal filters.
We have such strong ideas of our own identities that our subconscious mind will do almost anything to preserve and prove that our ideas of our own identity are true for us. Life is so much easier when we can be more flexible about "who" we are...
At the most basic level, simply, we are consciousness, we are love., everything over and above that is a label of choice which we can choose or lose or add at any time.
 What or whoever you decide you are, the universe will show you evidence over and over to be true. so, choose an inner dialogue using positive outstanding labels.

CALIBRATE YOURSELF

The personal development world is awash with the rules for the "law of attraction" and Abraham tells us so eloquently through Esther Hicks to keep reaching for better feeling thoughts which is wonderful, until you take your eye off the ball and fall off the band wagon as everyone does when they're starting out with a new habit or concept.

 So here’s a fast five minute exercise to get you back into the driver’s seat and back in the game.

 As you think your thoughts and feel your emotions so you create your experience. Because of the latter I highly recommend creating momentum here and deliberately committing yourself by setting your alarm to tell you it's time to tune inwards if necessary.

We're more likely to be in a downward spiral if we've lost our vision for a compelling future. So if you feel yourself spiralling take 5 mins to calibrate to get back on the "up".

1 Bring your awareness to your body, sit or stand up straight, feet on the floor, close your eyes and drop your shoulders.

2 Put your hand over your heart and with every in-breath imagine breathing light into your heart centre, do this until you feel calm and neutral.

3 Sense how it would feel to experience peace of mind, happiness and abundance. Imagine your life if peace of mind, happiness and abundance became your motivation in all that you do. 

4 Visualize yourself in six months’ time opening your heart to everyone you meet, how "alive" do you feel? 

What if living from your authentic loving self became your focus? 

What if you allowed yourself to drop all of the masks that weigh you down and stepped fully into the freedom of being who you really are, how does that feel to you?

 5 Take a few moments to really sense what that means to you. As you become one with the feeling of freedom imagine that energy filtering into every cell of your body.

6 Keep breathing light into your heart centre and remind yourself that you are free to evolve.

                                               That’s it!!

 The more you do this, the more you experience heart coherence and the more aligned to your dreams you will become. This solution is simple but not simplistic in nature,

my tutor Tony Robbins says over and over that repetition is the mother of skill and boy oh boy is that true here. Dawn ☀