Thursday, 18 July 2013

Coulda Should Woulda

The word should makes me laugh, what does it even mean?

 should  /SHo͝od/
Verb: Used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone's actions: "he should have been careful".
Indicating a desirable or expected state: "by now students should be able to read".

See? It means nothing particularly apart from to argue with reality, and what is ever the point of that unless you want to give yourself a headache or heart attack!
If we take the above dictionary example "he should have been more careful" we can assume that there are consequences for not taking enough care. Well okay, but let’s keep in present time (because that’s where our power exists) and deal with the consequences of not taking enough care instead of drowning in the story of "shoulds".

 He obviously didn't take enough care so that's it, that's the experience, there isn't any "should of" it simply doesn't exist. We can't change the experience we can only change the story we tell ourselves about it, so free yourself up by choosing to only deal with the reality. I was at a workshop with Byron Katie recently and she reminded everyone again that if you argue with reality you lose, but only 100% of the time!

Another exhausting example of "should” I hear over and over is "I should really be doing X Y or Z"
The reality is that you are not actually doing X Y or Z, so either give yourself a permission break and actually enjoy what you are doing/being in this present moment, or just get on with X Y Z, because if you're junking up your inner dialogue in the present with future got-to's, you're not fully present anyway, you're not experiencing a peaceful mind.

In my marriage education training, my teacher Tony Robbins pointed out over and over, that people say their partners "should" this and they "should" that, in fact they "should" all over themselves far too much! We need to stop "shoulding" all over ourselves and our relationships.

So of course I'm not saying you "should"  :-)   but I invite you to drop "should" from your vocabulary for a while and experience how freeing it feels for you and those around you.  Dawn 

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for the reminder today Dawn! Have just had the thought "I should mop the kitchen floor" so will go do that now, or not :). But seriously, noticing my shoulds is a huge one for me.